it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
