i was born a porn star she said
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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