Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Boobs speak an international language.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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