I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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