you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize