brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize