Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
