Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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