If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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