Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
