I hate all girls vehemently.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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