remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
is wine microwaveable?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
