I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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