everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
