Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
