I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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