just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
whose parrot is this?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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