How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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