Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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