does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My first STD was from a foam party
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
