Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
