At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
