Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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