Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
