Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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