There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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