Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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