Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
