I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize