The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
