help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
