It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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