I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize