so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
