so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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