i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
