you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize