why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
