I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize