fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
