you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My pussy is not your playground.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
