your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
