the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
