I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize