If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
