My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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