Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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