I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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