I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize