well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
