I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
