Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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