WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
