She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize