I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
