Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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