Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
