Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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