what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Randomize
