i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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