I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
