I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Two words: blizzard sex
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize