i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
