u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
