I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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