um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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