she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
