I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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