Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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