By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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