Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize