i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
