Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
