I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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