remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
