I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
