dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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