You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
