dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize