you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
