mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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