can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
