She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
