Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
