this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
