I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Every concussion has its silver lining
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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