We named our party play list daddy issues
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
