Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
too bad you live with your parents still
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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