will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
