On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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