You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
