i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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