They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
