I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
