if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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