remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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