Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize