can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
