I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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