i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
