i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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