we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
