I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize