hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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