Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
