I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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