I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
