its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
